The High Cost of Having No Boundaries
It can be easy to succumb to the pressures in life. You say ‘yes’ while you feel a ‘no’ on the inside more often than you’d like to, because you’re afraid to disrupt the harmony and cause conflict. It’s the addiction to approval, and paradoxically the need to protect your sense of safety, that keeps you in the habit of neglecting your own needs and wants.
This probably not only shows up in your relationships, but also in work.
- Are you feeling tired and drained often, while you haven’t done anything particularly demanding?
- Are you regularly feeling negative or down, without any specific reason?
- Do you tend to please others and forget about yourself?
- Do you often feel angry, resentful and guilty?
These issues are probably (more) familiar to you if you’re an empath and/or highly sensitive.
Because as an empath and/or highly sensitive it’s likely that you:
- Easily pick up on moods, vibes and emotions of other people and ‘claiming’ them as your own
- Let your own energy leak away without being aware of it
- Are living your life on what I call an ‘External Compass’
You may find yourself changing your schedule around to accommodate your clients or co-workers. Maybe you easily succumb to lowering your rates because clients ask for a discount. Or you spend your planned day off behind the laptop because you need to attend to certain emails or requests TODAY.
I see this happening a lot, and I’ll be honest with you, this is a challenge for me too. I have a very strong sense of responsibility and duty, thanks to my ancestors and my upbringing – bless them all (heart emoticon).
I’ve struggled with being too accommodating towards clients and loved ones, wanting them to be happy. But then I felt resentful and not to mention anxious and overwhelmed because I took way too much on my shoulders that wasn’t mine to take care of.
I overwhelmed myself a lot by making commitments and doing favors for others, and when I burned myself out I knew it was time to implement healthier boundaries. But that was easier said than done when the programming of responsibility, duty and loyalty were running the show. The deep beliefs of not feeling good and important enough to claim space, time or money for myself always left me feeling guilty, as if I was unkind and egocentric.
That was the practical and more tangible aspect of my boundaries. But there was also the matter of my energetic boundaries.
Being very sensitive, the gates to my energy field were always wide open. All day long I was picking up other people’s moods, feelings, emotions and vibes and it was not only exhausting, it was also very confusing. I never knew what was mine and what wasn’t.
If this sounds familiar, you may want to know this:
It’s been said that 90% of what we feel and think is not ours. Isn’t that a shocking number?
But there was something else. Having an open emotional center as they call it in Human Design, having my energy field wide open, I also let my own life force leak away. This is another reason why I often felt tired and exhausted, and not understanding why.
I was living on what I call an External Compass. My antennas, my awareness was more in the outer world than inside my own energy field and body, because it wasn’t safe in there. At some point, early in my life, I had shifted form my inner GPS to an outer GPS, always scanning my environment and basing my decisions, actions and behaviors on others and the world around me.
Let me tell you, this is an EXHAUSTING way to live! I know, because it was this way for me for a very long time, and I’m still ‘learning’.
So, it’s hugely important that we not only set healthy practical, physical, tangible boundaries, but also take care of our energetic boundaries.
Many people have the belief that boundaries limit their freedom and their joy, but the opposite is true. We set boundaries to protect our freedom and joy.
AND … believe it or not, it’s also good for the people around us that we set healthy boundaries!
You may feel guilty, unkind, ashamed, thinking you’re letting them down. And you may feel very disloyal when you take good care of yourself. And you may be afraid that it will hurt your relationships, whether that be with clients, co-workers, loved ones, etc.
But exactly the opposite is true!
Don’t forget that people love clarity. Know that they will respect you more when you have healthy boundaries.
And when you’re feeling good about yourself, won’t that also reflect your relationships in a very positive way?
Won’t your relationships be much better, more joyful and more harmonious if there’s no constant undercurrent of covert anger and resentment of feeling used?
You are not a ‘bad person’ for setting healthy boundaries!
You are a powerful, loving person that will be admired and respected. When you set healthy boundaries, you are a sovereign being who will set an example for others to also be more honest, more relaxed and more joyful!
If you’re ready to get some support for creating healthy boundaries, join me on my next Energy Clearing Call on Wednesday June 2nd…
where we’ll unravel, clear and heal many of these aspects around practical, tangible and energetic boundaries.