women success

5 Ways You Get in the Way of Your Own Success

We all want to succeed. Be successful. Feel successful. 
 
But success is a rather relative concept, isn’t it?
 
For some, success is making a lot of money, while for others it means serving as many people as possible so they can have a better life. 
 
Maybe it’s putting an idea into the world that you’ve had in mind for a long time. And for yet another person, success is about combining a busy job with family life and still have time and energy for personal interests and growth.
 
It doesn’t really matter what your definition of success is. What’s more important is the fact that you may not experience that sense of success. And often this isn’t about what that success looks like for you in terms of content (unless you always set unattainable goals for yourself!), but that you get in the way of your own success.
 
That’s why I have listed the 5 most common ways in which you get in the way of your own success. The sabotaging strategies you have unconsciously created for yourself:
 
1) Thinking that it’s not possible (for you)

Thinking that it’s not possible will keep you from taking action and you will never achieve what you aim for. Call it ‘stinking thinking’: “I can’t do it, it’s no use, I’m not good enough, I don’t have the knowledge or experience”. Somehow you have come to believe that nothing can change for you. The consequences are that you settle for a lesser life.

2) Believing that you are not worth it

Deep seated subconscious beliefs like “I don’t deserve love, success, attention, money, good health, etc.” are part of this strategy. These unsubstantiated conclusions are a result of low self-esteem. Someone else can achieve it, but not you. You have the conviction that it is not for you.

3) Fear of failure

This one is typical for perfectionists. Not starting a task, a project or a relationship as a strategy to minimize the possibility of it going wrong. You’re afraid to make mistakes and afraid of being exposed in your failure, doing anything within your power to make sure they don’t find out that you’re really not that good, nice or loveable. It’s called the ‘imposter syndrome’.

Also the thought “if it’s not perfect I’d rather not do it at all” is one that can get in the way of success even when we fundamentally know that there is no such thing as perfect.

Fear of failure often shows up as procrastination and people pleasing behavior. Maintaining the safe status quo is often more attractive than the promise of success. This is what happens when your fear is greater than your desire.

4) Fear of success

This is about fear of what may happen when you succeed, when you actually reach your goals. You’re worried about how being successful may change you and your life. Not to mention the responsibility that success will bring – the stress, the power and the visibility. Keeping yourself hidden in the background is a much safer option for many women.

It’s also possible that you are afraid that you will lose everything, once acquired. It won’t stay anyway, it’s only temporary. So why bother?

5) Worrying about what others will think

You’re concerned about what others might think when it comes to your success. You are afraid of the reaction of those close to you when you are successful. Or that you’ll outshine them, your parents, siblings, partner, friends, etc. When that happens you may no longer belong to the tribe and lose their support and their approval. Wanting to belong is a very basic need of people. So don’t underestimate this need and how it can subconsciously block you!

Which of these are true for you?

Now, on a conscious and rational level you may think or say: ‘I don’t think that way!’ 

Clients sometimes say to me: “but I am very positive! I believe that I can achieve what I want!”

Being positive is, of course, very nice! But the problem is: positivity alone is far from enough. The saboteur is not in your conscious but in your subconscious mind; it runs the show and you don’t even know it’s happening.

There is a part of you that doesn’t really believe the positivity. It’s the mouse trying to fight the big elephant, the conscious trying to win from the subconscious.

The beautiful thing, I have discovered, is that when you start healing these unconscious blockages, your thoughts automatically become more positive.

You can compare it to infertile soil. Nothing will grow from it, or at least nothing you really find attractive or worthwhile. But if you replace it with healthy, fertile soil, just wait and watch how the beautiful flowers will start to bloom!

And I believe in you, and all you dream of for a successful life!

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